Happy Hanukkah from all of us at Pick 'n Save

Here are the Hanukkah specials. If you're local, you have until January 2, 2006, to get these prices. Don't forget to use your P 'n S card (you said penis/shut up Beavis) so that the corporate office can keep track of your every move, in the interest of serving you better, naturally.

Manischewitz Chanukah Candles, 2/$1.98.
Manischewitz Yolk Free or Egg Noodles, 4/$5.
Manischewitz Chicken Broth, Chicken Soup, or Chicken Soup with Matzo Balls, 3/$3.99.
Manischewitz Premium Grape Juice, $4.98.
Manischewitz Matzos, 2/$3.98.
Manischewitz Potato Pancake or Potato Latke Mix, 2/$4.98.
Manischewitz Chocolate Coins, 2/$0.98.
Yukon Gold or Red Potatoes, 2/$4 (5 lb bag)
Parsley, 2/$1.
Horseradish Root, $3.99/lb.
Beets, $1.99/bunch.
1st National Bagels, $0.89 (5 ct.)
Thomas 13 Oz. Cinnamon Raisin English Muffins, 22 Oz. New York Style Bagels or Entenmann's 13-16 Oz. Rich Frosted Donuts, Raspberry or Caramel Nut Twist, 2/$5.

Some of these foods are Jewish in a general sort of way. Bagels, Entenmann's cakes, lokshen (noodles). Some are seasonal specialties. The chocolate coins, or gelt (money), are wagered in dreidl games and the potatoes make latkes. You know what the candles are for. (Anyone know the difference between a potato pancake and a latke? I'll investigate the next time I'm at the penis.)

The cinnamon raisin English muffins are neither Jewish nor seasonal, as far as I know.

Some of these are clearly Passover foods: matzos, horseradish and parsley all go on the seder table. I can't say I know what to do with the beets.

Does the penis sell chocolate eggs in December? Why would Jews want all their holiday traditions observed for all of their holidays?

What is Hannukah anyway? Oh, hi NYT, you explain:

Hanukkah is a minor, generally child-centered holiday that celebrates the victory of the Jews over the Syrian Greeks around 165 B.C.

That makes me feel so warm and fuzzy about our culture. The Gray Lady also reports a stunning cultural development about which I was until now ignorant: we are currently experiencing "what many people have called a Jewish hipster moment." Aha! How many people have actually used that locution? According to Google, none on the internet. (Nexis also draws a blank.) I cannot claim to be a hipster given my early bedtime and my fondness for Judging Amy but if I were even a little bit hip I'm sure I would be frightened to find my hipness splashed across the pages of the Times. Hipster Jews: your moment, if indeed you had one, is up.

And one more thing while we're on the subject: we have concluded chez Haverchuk that "the holidays" are making us fat. Stop it, holidays!