A foodie on Mars

Salon's Heather Havrilesky files her reviews of the new TV season from Spain, which explains (not really) the metaphors in this passage:

Speaking of "Veronica Mars," I'm sure many of you little pollos fritos are looking forward to this season's premiere on Wednesday (Sept. 28 at 9 p.m. EDT on UPN). I'll avoid spoilers here, but if you don't want to know a single thing about the premiere including how I felt about it, skip down to the next section.

I was disappointed, pollos rellenas. I thought last year's finale was brilliant, and I couldn't wait for the new season to begin. But the new Veronica is far too unburdened, too light on her feet, too carefree and too bland. Compared to the salty, resilient post-tragedy jamón ibérico Veronica, this new Veronica is as flaccid and tasteless as vacuum-packed lunchmeat, the kind that hangs limply between the pre-shredded mozzarella and that dizzying assortment of Snackables.

But I suppose this new mystery will stir a fire inside of Veronica, and soon she'll be curing in her own seething resentment once again, like a fine flank of you-know-what. I'm just not sure that this new mystery is savory and pungent enough to cure such a huge hunk of plot-meat as is needed to feed us until next spring.

Has someone been reading a little too much Frank Bruni?